Dear Tops,

This is a letter on behalf of all those who bottom. On your best days, you take charge and leave your bottoms fully satisfied; on your worst, you are culprits to injury and come off as cold-hearted. So let’s get into it. What are the dos and don’ts of topping? Signed truly, the perspective of a bottom.

DO:

Dedicate time to foreplay and “warming up” the hole

Our holes are muscles. Like any other muscle, it needs to be stretched before doing a workout. Start small, first with one finger, maybe some tongue, even a toy works too. This helps reduce the risk of a burning sensation or fissures and increases a bottom’s ability to last longer. 

Start Slow

On the same coin as warming up, it’s important to start slow, especially if you are hung. Give time for their body to get used to your penis inside of it. Pay attention to the body language of your bottom too. If their face is wincing in pain and their back starts to tense up, that’s not a sign to go faster. 

Eye contact

While doggy style is definitely a top contender for positions, make sure to work in some positions that put you face-to-face. For many people, knowing that you are connecting is super important; they don’t want to feel like just a hole (excluding the kinky queens).

Use lots of Lube

This one is pretty self-explanatory: the more lube, the better. With lube, you slide in more easily, reduce the risk of tissue damage, and make the hole feel even better for you. We recommend using our silicone lube; it has a silky smooth formula and is long-lasting, great for an entire session.

Make sure your bottom reaches completion

Taking definitely feels great; prostate stimulation is no joke. However, anal orgasms are pretty hard to achieve; it can happen, but it’s pretty rare. So, it’s important to make sure your bottom has an orgasm too. Just because you finished, doesn’t mean everyone is happy. You can get creative with it, hand jobs while fingering him, blowjobs, or a personal favorite, using a Fleshlight on him while you are topping in missionary.

Don’t:

Skip aftercare

If you ever bottomed, you know that after the act, you can feel really vulnerable; it takes a lot out of you to open yourself up to someone. So for our tops out there, even if it’s just a hook up, take the time to cuddle after sex, check in with your partner, make sure everyone leaves the situation feeling more connected and respected. It makes a world of difference to feel cared for when it comes to sex.

Freak out if accidents happen

In a perfect world, every bottom regularly takes their Stay Ready Fiber and is pristinely clean and ready to go. However, shit happens, literally. Maybe it’s due to a lack of prep-work, something funny that they ate, or the douching job wasn’t up to par. Whatever the reason is, it doesn’t matter, because at the end of the day, it’s a butthole; you take the risk when you go there. Painting a top is possibly one of the most mortifying experiences for bottoms, and the last thing they need in a moment where they are completely vulnerable is someone saying how gross they are. So, if an accident happens, gently tell your partner, hop in the shower, change the sheets, and try again. It’s as simple as that. 

Tops, we love you. You help make the world go around, and you bring balance to the Sniffies map. However, it’s important to consider these Do’s and Don’ts in your sex life, and hopefully, you learned some new tips and tricks for your next hookup. 

Sincerely,

Bottoms.

Written by Cartie Whitelaw, Staff Writer @ Pure for Men

Cartie writes about queer wellness, identity, and finding confidence through community and self-care.