Let’s face it… dating can be the worst! With all of the unmet expectations, awkward and sometimes awful sexual interactions, and the inevitable letdowns, it is a wonder why we put ourselves through it at all! Except for… well, it is also sort of the best at the same time.
Mitchell from Cali writes, “I don’t know if I am choosy or just jaded, but I am starting to think if I will ever find someone who I actually want to be in a relationship with again. Is it all pointless?”
After dating a few people who were just so wrong from the start, it isn’t just ok to become more apprehensive about dating someone new; it’s a survival skill. But if you find yourself thinking that you are just not cut out for a healthy romantic relationship, you are becoming your inner saboteur.
When it comes to putting yourself out there, it’s sometimes hard to lick your wounds and try again. However, try to think of each and every scar is a reminder of exactly what you don’t want in your life. If you are worried about being jaded, chances are you have already dated a range of personalities and backgrounds that don’t work. Think of these exes as a blueprint for exactly where not to look for love again. If you still don’t know what you want, start by pinpointing exactly what you don’t want and go from there.
To be jaded means believing that love is impossible and you couldn’t find a healthy relationship if you tried. And although you may not want to admit it, it might also mean that you may not have the best self-esteem or self-confidence. It is a hopeless space, a negative space, and it's one that you don’t deserve to be in no matter how horrific your dating history may be.
The smartest decision to make when dating is to decide that you will not get invested in anything right away. This doesn’t mean just the first few dates, or maybe even a few months into the courtship. Sure, have your fun and remain cautiously hopeful, but all the while remaining steadfast in the reality that this might not work out and that is totally ok.
That is the easy part. The hard part is still allowing yourself to let your guard down a little and actually give this guy a chance. That means not dismissing him over superficial deal breakers or looking for easy outs to avoid getting hurt. It might sound impossible to open up to someone new while also not allowing yourself to get too invested. However, becoming vulnerable isn’t about him at all, but about you allowing yourself to be open for love regardless of he works out or not.
And if it doesn’t hopefully you can score some free meals and good sex while on your way to finding someone that sticks.